Discovering Home

So there I was.

Sitting at my desk, totally not doing my work (LIKE RIGHT NOW AS I WRITE THIS BLOG TEHEHE).My mind was on a VLOG I was thinking about making because it would be too jokes and too relatable to those who work in administration.

Literally sitting there laughing to myself, I realized I am not ready to do this. I am not ready to spend every day of the rest of my life sitting behind a desk just to make money. Not that I am ungrateful for this position because it is a blessing FOR SURE. I don't know if I would say I am happy here verses just being content. Either way, I am not sure if anyone is ready for this kind of life, but I am young and have so much more to learn. That in itself is a humbling thought.

To be honest, as much as I am comfortable where I am, I am not going to learn more than what I have already learned from studying in the states and working behind a desk in Toronto. This job is a dream for sure, but it's not my dream.

I am not sure what my dream is entirely, but I want to find it. I definitely won't find it sitting comfortably - I do know that.

So, the goal from here on out is to travel and see what I can learn from each place. That doesn't necessarily mean I need to go across the world and back every month because MONEY $$$. However, I do feel that finding places in our own areas that we've never seen before is just as important. It's also a way to get the best of both worlds, yknow by sitting behind a desk and still experiencing more.

For example, I recently ventured out to Tobermory, Ontario. Only 3.5 hours away from where I live. A little treasure of my own province that I had no idea about until a few months ago. It was absolutely stunning and made my love for Canada grow. It made me realize how privileged and blessed I am to live and breathe in such a magnificent country. It was also just really therapeutic to enjoy nature.

As I continue to search in my own province, I have already discovered that there are secret cities made up of waterfalls. There are beautiful trails, hikes, and so many things in the city as well that I have not experienced.

So while travelling abroad is important, I feel that roadtripping around your own home is equally as important. Not only will develop a greater sense of gratitude, but it can prepare you for the experiences you will endure when you do travel abroad.

Well, that's all I got for today. You know the drill!

Stay gold, friends.

- Shay

Did It Just Happen?

I once read a blog that really touched me. I connected with it because the author was so raw and truthful.

When I write my blogs, I am very careful to not say the wrong thing. I don't want the finger to get pointed at anyone in particular, but it is really hard to keep my own voice in my blogs when I try to not offend anyone. I am tired of it. 

I am not looking to be more vulnerable on the internet, but I am willing to have my experiences connect with others. Sometimes that's the little light at the end of the tunnel telling you "you're not alone."

Today I am here to say that I have been hurt, but who hasn't been? 

I was in a relationship and my ex had someone else fall in love with him. It racked my brain for a long time during the relationship because I couldn't understand it, especially when he swore that there was nothing going on between them two. 

"How does someone just fall in love with someone else just like that? Out of blue, without any encouragement? Did it just happen? Like a virus or a cold? Is it contagious?"

Maybe it was not encourage. Maybe he just really liked the attention. Maybe... maybe... maybe 

Personally, I don't really care about the reasons why he did anymore. It just dawned on me .... well right now as to why HADN'T he stopped it. Was it because I didn't pay enough attention to him? Did my independence scare him? Intimidate him? 

I really don't know. I don't really care for his reasons either. 

All I know is that it hurt me. It brought me down low. Real low. Frankly, I cannot have someone in my life who is willing to do that to me again. To make me question my self-worth that I have worked so hard to build. To see it shattered in a matter of words because he was uncertain of himself that he needed more attention than I could give. 

How is that fair? To make someone else insecure just because you are. It's not. I refuse to be there again.

 I am not saying I am not willing to be vulnerable with someone again. I am just saying that it'll be harder for them to knock me down now because I know better. 

My dear friends, please remember that you worth does not depend on how someone else treats you, but how you treat yourself. You want the good things in life? Then go get it. It'll be hard, but worth it. 

Please don't let someone tear you down due to their insecurities. Lift them up where you can, but walk away if it's hurting you. 

Stay gold, 

Shay 

Love is a Six Letter Word

Recently, I found myself wishing to be in love again.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. I know. I am such a girl, but hear me out.

Being in love is such a great thing!! I mean even when something goes wrong, life still seems beautiful. You could be stuck on the highway for 3 hours on your very first road trip and not be upset because the person you are in love with is sitting right beside you. Okay okay! So, you're a little upset, but it's easier to lighten the mood. Looking at the person you are in love with feels like home.

The sun seems like something they built for you in their toolshed. Oh and when it snows, the only thing that will satisfy is curling up with a cup of tea, a book, and your love (or maybe some video games and a movie!?). When the weather rains out your plans, you see it as the perfect opportunity to kiss outside and make the most of it every drop.

It just feels really good to be in love.

Although I am not in love with anyone currently, I have found a different kind of love that I have never known. A love that contains sacrifice and compromises. That takes work and communication to keep afloat. A love that is close to a family kind of love.

That kind of love is found within a friendship. A friendship with no strings attached. Where you can just lay in silence on the floor at your friend's apartment while they make you food or walks on slippery sidewalks just to get speciality hot chocolate. Where you go partner dancing, but there are three of you so ... to make it happen anyway! Where you can talk, cry, and laugh until you feel like you'll have a six pack in the morning.

The best thing about this kind of love is that those friends don't give up on you. Even when you can be irrational or if you've built your walls too high, those close friends keep climbing. They bake you cookies of forgiveness or refuse to leave your apartment until you admit your love for them.

I guess what I am trying to say is thank you. Thank you to all my closest friends. For standing by me when things got tough, but knowing me enough to give me space when I need it. For helping me break down my walls and letting me trust you. Thank you for showing me unconditional love that isn't linked by blood.

Life is beautiful, as are my friends

-Shay

Don't Give Up.

We all want someone to call on when things get tough and we don't feel like we can stand anymore. Hopefully, most of have someone that fits that description. Moreover, hopefully most of us want to be that person for someone else.

Most of us do not want anyone to give up on us, however we often give up on ourselves. How can we expect someone else to always have faith in us when we never have it in ourselves? 

Although it is great to have someone to lean on, it is important to remember that they are not obligated to make you happy or to cheer you up. Find ways to pick yourself up. Become independent! Be strong! Be bold!

Most importantly, do not give up on yourself. Remember that no matter how many mistakes you have made, how many mountains you have to climb, or how many times you have fallen short -- you are always worth something. 

Dust yourself off, look heavenward, and believe in yourself. 

Life pushes hard, but you can do it. 

Shay 

He Flew Across the Country for Her

I got a call from a friend the other night. He had a falling out with his girl and long story short - they broke up.

He was almost 2000 miles away from her for the last few weeks and felt hopeless in his situation. As a friend being 500 miles away, I did what I could to make him feel better. As we all know, broken hearts are not easily mended (no matter how badly we want them to be).

Last night he asked me to call him. I feared that he was having a break down so I grabbed his number and dialed away! He answered and I asked if he was doing okay.

"I am really good, Shay!" he responded.

... What? What did he mean? What changed to make him feel so much better so quickly?

Turns out, he booked a plane ticket to fly across the country to win his girl back.

THIS IS NO MOVIE. THIS IS REAL. He knew he had to try something and he couldn't lose her.

(You can awe. I did. A lot. I even cried out of happiness! This is every girls dream!)

So he flew out to get her. Anxious, scared, and excited were the emotions I was feeling FOR him. I have no idea to what degree of these emotions he was feeling.

Now let me introduce you to this friend of mine. He is a great human being. Very happy, positive, genuine, generous, and we love to eat pizza together. He is shy. He runs away when things get this heavy and he never sees a point to chase after people that walk out of his life. Him flying out to win this girl back was a huge, HUGE move on his part.

I can't say I have ever been so proud of him.

But like I mentioned before, this is not a movie. He did not end up winning his girl back, but that does not mean he failed.

Hell no! I think he won a lot more today. He found courage to be vulnerable. Found strength to pick himself back up and has the knowledge that he has friends who have his back no matter what.

In all honesty, I have never been so grateful for this friend of mine. He showed me that romance is not dead. Showed me that if someone really cares about you and wants you in their life, they will fight for you to stay there. They will do whatever it takes not to lose you.

I want to be more like this friend of mine. I want to have the courage to be vulnerable and be able to express my every emotion to the one I want to be with. To be impulsive and fly across the country to win the person I want back EVEN IF THAT MEANS I FAIL. At least I will have the satisfaction of knowing I did everything I could. I also want someone to care for me the way he cared for his girl. Enough to fly across the country or even walk a minutes to my door to say "I need you."

Frankly, I do not think that is asking too much at all.

Many things in life are mediocre and this friend of mine showed me that love, if it is mediocre, is not worth it.

Stay gold, friends. Love is alive -- but it takes a leap of faith and fist full of courage.

Shay

Ignorance

A lot of people look down on certain things because those things are not "intellectual" enough. We all know at least one person we are not necessarily keen on sharing some of our hobbies with because we know they will demean it.

One of those things for me are comics. 

I know what you are thinking and if you want to stop reading, go ahead. Be ignorant just like that one friend mentioned above. 

Thanks for staying with me. 

Often times I will share with people my love for comics. Some look at me with an expression of disgust. Some tell me to pick up a novel, or to grow up. 

Number one, when was the last time YOU read a novel for pleasure. Tell me when YOU turned off the TV, or signed off Facebook to give your brain some exercise? Yeah... 

Two, who says comic books are childish!? There are rockin' writers out there writing horror, fantasy, mystery, crime, sci-fi, and SO MUCH MORE. ALSO most of comics I read are NOT intended for children. 

The art in this medium is absolutely stunning. It is just another thing attracts me to certain books. It captures so much, and enlightens the reader even more so. It leaves clues and hints and makes your mind come up with various outcomes for the story.

These are talented people creating worlds that talk about politics, societal issues that we don't really talk about (like baby blues) that are happening HERE in our world. 

Yes, I love comics! But this blog post is really about getting off your high horse. It is about realizing that there are things you do not understand, and that is fine! However, that does not make that hobby/subject/lifestyle less than what yours is. 

Cheers, good friends. 

It's a beautiful life. 

Shay

THE WICKED & THE DIVINE

 Gillen & McKelvie  

NAILBITER

Williamson & Henderson

DRIFTER

Brandon & Klein

Airport Answers

I was travelling back home to the beautiful Toronto after being gone for 7 months. Loads of emotions going through me, but mainly just fatigue. Two flights (8 hours of travelling) and I'd be home.

My first flight was smooth. I could not believe how fast it went. I met an awesome friend. Her name is Elsa. Yes, like the Disney Princess. Turns out she was journey to Toronto as well! Tender mercy to have met her because I genuinely hate flying alone.

Anyway, there was some built up traffic that made my plane deboard rather slowly. We had ten minutes to board our next flight. Not really an issue, unless you happen to be in the LAX airport where you have to shuttle from terminal to terminal. I said a quick prayer because I was panicked I would not get home tonight. Immediately, I was assured that I would make it.

Heavy breathing and burning lungs, we made it! Satisfied, I sat back in my seat and said a little prayer to express gratitude. We were suppose to take flight at 9:30. I checked the time, it was 9:45. I felt unusually calm, especially with five crying babies. I whispered another quick prayer regarding those parents who were frantically trying to calm their little beans. Within ten minutes, all the babies were either sleeping or happy. Another prayer of gratitude.

Two hours later, we were still stationed at the airport. Turns out the engine caught fire and they needed a new part in order to proceed with the trip. Although many are upset and tired, I feel gratitude. Immense gratitude for the simple answered prayers I have received in just a short few hours.

I am still not home, but I have met a friend, I am safe, and I have the Lord on my side.

Heavenly Father is totally there and He does answer our questions and request.

Looks like I will boarding again now!

See you soon, Toronto.

Shay