Love is a Six Letter Word

Recently, I found myself wishing to be in love again.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. I know. I am such a girl, but hear me out.

Being in love is such a great thing!! I mean even when something goes wrong, life still seems beautiful. You could be stuck on the highway for 3 hours on your very first road trip and not be upset because the person you are in love with is sitting right beside you. Okay okay! So, you're a little upset, but it's easier to lighten the mood. Looking at the person you are in love with feels like home.

The sun seems like something they built for you in their toolshed. Oh and when it snows, the only thing that will satisfy is curling up with a cup of tea, a book, and your love (or maybe some video games and a movie!?). When the weather rains out your plans, you see it as the perfect opportunity to kiss outside and make the most of it every drop.

It just feels really good to be in love.

Although I am not in love with anyone currently, I have found a different kind of love that I have never known. A love that contains sacrifice and compromises. That takes work and communication to keep afloat. A love that is close to a family kind of love.

That kind of love is found within a friendship. A friendship with no strings attached. Where you can just lay in silence on the floor at your friend's apartment while they make you food or walks on slippery sidewalks just to get speciality hot chocolate. Where you go partner dancing, but there are three of you so ... to make it happen anyway! Where you can talk, cry, and laugh until you feel like you'll have a six pack in the morning.

The best thing about this kind of love is that those friends don't give up on you. Even when you can be irrational or if you've built your walls too high, those close friends keep climbing. They bake you cookies of forgiveness or refuse to leave your apartment until you admit your love for them.

I guess what I am trying to say is thank you. Thank you to all my closest friends. For standing by me when things got tough, but knowing me enough to give me space when I need it. For helping me break down my walls and letting me trust you. Thank you for showing me unconditional love that isn't linked by blood.

Life is beautiful, as are my friends

-Shay

Don't Give Up.

We all want someone to call on when things get tough and we don't feel like we can stand anymore. Hopefully, most of have someone that fits that description. Moreover, hopefully most of us want to be that person for someone else.

Most of us do not want anyone to give up on us, however we often give up on ourselves. How can we expect someone else to always have faith in us when we never have it in ourselves? 

Although it is great to have someone to lean on, it is important to remember that they are not obligated to make you happy or to cheer you up. Find ways to pick yourself up. Become independent! Be strong! Be bold!

Most importantly, do not give up on yourself. Remember that no matter how many mistakes you have made, how many mountains you have to climb, or how many times you have fallen short -- you are always worth something. 

Dust yourself off, look heavenward, and believe in yourself. 

Life pushes hard, but you can do it. 

Shay 

He Flew Across the Country for Her

I got a call from a friend the other night. He had a falling out with his girl and long story short - they broke up.

He was almost 2000 miles away from her for the last few weeks and felt hopeless in his situation. As a friend being 500 miles away, I did what I could to make him feel better. As we all know, broken hearts are not easily mended (no matter how badly we want them to be).

Last night he asked me to call him. I feared that he was having a break down so I grabbed his number and dialed away! He answered and I asked if he was doing okay.

"I am really good, Shay!" he responded.

... What? What did he mean? What changed to make him feel so much better so quickly?

Turns out, he booked a plane ticket to fly across the country to win his girl back.

THIS IS NO MOVIE. THIS IS REAL. He knew he had to try something and he couldn't lose her.

(You can awe. I did. A lot. I even cried out of happiness! This is every girls dream!)

So he flew out to get her. Anxious, scared, and excited were the emotions I was feeling FOR him. I have no idea to what degree of these emotions he was feeling.

Now let me introduce you to this friend of mine. He is a great human being. Very happy, positive, genuine, generous, and we love to eat pizza together. He is shy. He runs away when things get this heavy and he never sees a point to chase after people that walk out of his life. Him flying out to win this girl back was a huge, HUGE move on his part.

I can't say I have ever been so proud of him.

But like I mentioned before, this is not a movie. He did not end up winning his girl back, but that does not mean he failed.

Hell no! I think he won a lot more today. He found courage to be vulnerable. Found strength to pick himself back up and has the knowledge that he has friends who have his back no matter what.

In all honesty, I have never been so grateful for this friend of mine. He showed me that romance is not dead. Showed me that if someone really cares about you and wants you in their life, they will fight for you to stay there. They will do whatever it takes not to lose you.

I want to be more like this friend of mine. I want to have the courage to be vulnerable and be able to express my every emotion to the one I want to be with. To be impulsive and fly across the country to win the person I want back EVEN IF THAT MEANS I FAIL. At least I will have the satisfaction of knowing I did everything I could. I also want someone to care for me the way he cared for his girl. Enough to fly across the country or even walk a minutes to my door to say "I need you."

Frankly, I do not think that is asking too much at all.

Many things in life are mediocre and this friend of mine showed me that love, if it is mediocre, is not worth it.

Stay gold, friends. Love is alive -- but it takes a leap of faith and fist full of courage.

Shay

Ignorance

A lot of people look down on certain things because those things are not "intellectual" enough. We all know at least one person we are not necessarily keen on sharing some of our hobbies with because we know they will demean it.

One of those things for me are comics. 

I know what you are thinking and if you want to stop reading, go ahead. Be ignorant just like that one friend mentioned above. 

Thanks for staying with me. 

Often times I will share with people my love for comics. Some look at me with an expression of disgust. Some tell me to pick up a novel, or to grow up. 

Number one, when was the last time YOU read a novel for pleasure. Tell me when YOU turned off the TV, or signed off Facebook to give your brain some exercise? Yeah... 

Two, who says comic books are childish!? There are rockin' writers out there writing horror, fantasy, mystery, crime, sci-fi, and SO MUCH MORE. ALSO most of comics I read are NOT intended for children. 

The art in this medium is absolutely stunning. It is just another thing attracts me to certain books. It captures so much, and enlightens the reader even more so. It leaves clues and hints and makes your mind come up with various outcomes for the story.

These are talented people creating worlds that talk about politics, societal issues that we don't really talk about (like baby blues) that are happening HERE in our world. 

Yes, I love comics! But this blog post is really about getting off your high horse. It is about realizing that there are things you do not understand, and that is fine! However, that does not make that hobby/subject/lifestyle less than what yours is. 

Cheers, good friends. 

It's a beautiful life. 

Shay

THE WICKED & THE DIVINE

 Gillen & McKelvie  

NAILBITER

Williamson & Henderson

DRIFTER

Brandon & Klein

Airport Answers

I was travelling back home to the beautiful Toronto after being gone for 7 months. Loads of emotions going through me, but mainly just fatigue. Two flights (8 hours of travelling) and I'd be home.

My first flight was smooth. I could not believe how fast it went. I met an awesome friend. Her name is Elsa. Yes, like the Disney Princess. Turns out she was journey to Toronto as well! Tender mercy to have met her because I genuinely hate flying alone.

Anyway, there was some built up traffic that made my plane deboard rather slowly. We had ten minutes to board our next flight. Not really an issue, unless you happen to be in the LAX airport where you have to shuttle from terminal to terminal. I said a quick prayer because I was panicked I would not get home tonight. Immediately, I was assured that I would make it.

Heavy breathing and burning lungs, we made it! Satisfied, I sat back in my seat and said a little prayer to express gratitude. We were suppose to take flight at 9:30. I checked the time, it was 9:45. I felt unusually calm, especially with five crying babies. I whispered another quick prayer regarding those parents who were frantically trying to calm their little beans. Within ten minutes, all the babies were either sleeping or happy. Another prayer of gratitude.

Two hours later, we were still stationed at the airport. Turns out the engine caught fire and they needed a new part in order to proceed with the trip. Although many are upset and tired, I feel gratitude. Immense gratitude for the simple answered prayers I have received in just a short few hours.

I am still not home, but I have met a friend, I am safe, and I have the Lord on my side.

Heavenly Father is totally there and He does answer our questions and request.

Looks like I will boarding again now!

See you soon, Toronto.

Shay

Broken Mirrors

What do you take from a person, that has lied and hid things from everyone, who proceeds to tell you that they do not trust you? You. When you have done literally everything you can to prove yourself trustworthy and have done nothing to break that trust.

In reality, we all have made mistakes. We all lied at some point. We all hid things to hide from the shame. We are human. We grow and learn from those mistakes.

When someone in any kind of relationship shatters a mirror that once held the image of the two, it is clear to see there is no longer an image there. No longer a relationship. However, with some glue and forgiveness we find the mirror to be restored to some degree. The person betrayed can still see those cracks from the once seamless relationship, but can choose to give the benefit of the doubt to the other. What about the person that betrayed that trust? What do they see? Do they see those cracks and blame them on the one they betrayed? Do they refuse to see the mercy and forgiveness provided to them? Or perhaps the one who was once betrayed makes a slip. Does the first to betray provide forgiveness, or leave the pieces of broken glass on the ground?

Again, we all make errors. We all are victims of emotions. Sure, they can blow things out of proportion.

The important thing to note is when all those feelings are settled, where is the trust formed or where is it shattered?

Maybe we feel that someone has no excuse to not trust us, but do we blame them when they do not? Even when we trusted them after they destroyed all trust that was once there?

I am sure we all have different answers. It is just something to think about.

Shay

Look Good For You

It was pretty late one night and I was hungry. I usually stop eating at a certain time because eating late affects my sleep. Anyway, I threw my hands up in defeat and caved in.

That night as we snacked, my roommate and I laughed about how we could careless about the fear of eating late at night and gaining weight. We did not have anyone to really impress.

I marinated on that thought for bit. Why do we feel we need to look good for someone else?

I came up with the following:

When you love someone, there is something really romantic about wanting to look good for them.

It has nothing to do with ownership, or being beneath them or anything negative like that.

You simply think they are really great and you want to be sexy for them. You want to show them how proud you are to have them and you want them to be proud to have you.

I think it can be and is as simple as that. There are other variables that can make it complicated, but in a healthy relationship I think it can be that simple.

Cheers,

Shay

Closure

Sometimes to move forward, you need to take a trip back to the past.

Remembering can help answer those questions of "what if?" It can enlighten and help you realize the mistakes you have made. It can help guide our future choices by weighing in every factor we forgot as memories fade. It can shed light on incidents we shoved in a dark corner wanting to never recall again. It can change everything. 

However, taking that trip back can be so painful. It can remind you of all the good that you once received, but are not receiving now. It can reopen wounds that were once completely healed. It can reawaken an addiction inside of you. Although this is true, you do not have to go there and become what you have already vowed to never become again. Even so, we can greet those memories, addictions, and failures as old friends. We can chat with them and part ways happily.

Closure is essential to ending any kind of event. It is becoming at ease with the fact that things are different now. 

Find your time to heal and take all the time you need. There is no need to rush. It is okay to be sad. Finding that closure can help shape your future and remove any chances of wasting time running around in circles. With it, you can move forward. 

Sometimes you feel a plethora of emotions and do not know how to deal with all. Receiving the necessary closure will help you channel those emotions into happiness. 

You deserve to be happy. Life is too short to dwell on all those things we have lost, but take your time to become you again. Take that trip down memory lane, but once you are done, do not go back again. 

There are so many more lessons to learn and they will only be found in the future.

Cheers, good friends. It is a beautiful life.

Shay

Fall Down Seven Times ...

I think we forget as we go through recovery we why we are fighting. Whether it be of guilt, addictions, bad habits, or whatnot, we need to remember why.

Why are you fighting? Think about it. Really consider it.

You're fighting for your happiness, your freedom, your sanity. You want and DESERVE the good things in life. You don't have to be afraid anymore. You really do not have to be afraid.

Someone once told me that "if you don't do recovery for yourself, then you will never get better."
This MIGHT be true, but I don't think it is entirely.

If you love someone, sometimes you want to be better for them. If you care about something, you want to be better so you can have it, feel it, become it. Eventually, you will start to recover for yourself. So, it okay to want to recover for purposes other than yourself. Motivation for the good things is good!

Recovery is hard. We stumble, trip, and fall. It does not matter how many times we fall, but how many times we choose to stand up again.

So, this is just my little reminder to you. Keep fighting!

Trust in your Saviour and His infinite atonement. No pain, or event is too large for the atonement to cover. With Him, you can do this! YOU CAN DO THIS!

Be brave. Be free. Be happy!

You deserve it.

Shay

The Finish Line

Last weekend I had the awesome opportunity to participate in a 40 mile relay race!

It started at the Rexburg Idaho temple, to the Idaho Falls temple.

The sun was shining so brightly we had to squint. The heat beat down on us and we are pretty sure a lot of us got sun stroke. We tried not to drink TOO much water in fear that we'd have to urinate during our leg of the race. We cheered and cheered and cheered each other on. It was a long day.

It was, also, hands down the funnest thing I have done this semester!

I ran the last stretch of the relay. Due to the course and distance I ran, my team could not really find an area to cheer me on during the leg I ran. I told them to just meet me at the temple (the finish line).

Like I mentioned before, it was hot. As I was running, a part of me wished I could just walk it, but I could not let the team down. At one point, I was feeling discouraged. Not because I could not do it, but because the course seemed endless. I could not see the temple and I felt that I was running a longer distance than indicated.  I felt that if I just saw my team, if I could just hear them cheer me on, I would be better motivated.

Right then a thought popped into my mind.

"Sometimes you have to hard things on your own."

I knew this was true, but it did not make it any less harder. 

Then another thought came: 

"Just because you are doing this on your own now, does not mean there is not someone there waiting for you. Just because you can't hear them, or see them

does not mean they are not cheering you on."

Sometimes, our trials seem endless. Sometimes, you cannot see those around you cheering you on to push yourself, to keep going, to be victorious. That does not mean they are not there doing those things you hope they'd do. 

I finally saw my team and a jolt of adrenaline went through my body. I had done it and I was going to finish strong because they were my prize. Seeing them smiling and cheering with arms in the air, I felt unstoppable. 

I started sprinting and then to my surprise, they joined with me. We were going to finish this race together.

We crossed the finish line sweating, panting, and smiling. 

We had done it. Together.

Heavenly Father blesses us with angels in our lives. Sometimes we can't see them, or hear them cheering us on, but they are there. Heavenly Father will not leave us alone, or without help. 

Although we have to fight some battles on our own for a little bit, that does not indicate that there is no one there cheering us on or waiting at the end of the finish line with open arms. 

Shay

Batman

Each story told in Gotham is by Batman.

We see everything from his point of view and we are on his side. We believe that his anguish and hurt is all rational because of all the things he tells us. His parents murdered, family distorted, and all past guilt still invades his mind. He performs so much good and so much hurt comes in return, but he refuses to let the city go up in flames. He is a hero.

The dark, gloomy streets of Gotham are portrayals of Batman's perspective.

What if we took it from someone else's point of view? What if every good thing Batman thought he was doing was actually destructive? What if his mind was so warped and twisted that the gloomy Gotham city was actually just a regular beautiful city like Toronto. A city that, when nightfalls, shines brightly as if to say "Welcome Home!"

What if our pessimistic view or our ignorance is ruining the beauty that is all around us? What if all the good we think we are doing is actually destructive to our relationships, our spirituality, and physical health?

What if we are like Batman?

A Little Reminder

There is someone out there who will listen.

There is someone out there who will come to you when you reach out.

There is someone who will remember your birthday and show up to say "Happy Birthday!"

There is someone who will tell you how attractive they find you and mean it.

There is someone that can brighten up your day with a smile.

There is someone who will sing to you with the worse voice possible just to let you know they care.

There is someone out there who loves you.

But it goes the other way too.

You need to there to listen.

You need to be there when someone reaches out.

You need to be there on someone's birthday to let them know they matter.

You need to be there to tell someone who is beautiful.

You need to be that smile to shine the light in someone's darkest day.

You need to sing your lungs out to show you care.

You need to tell them you love them.

Just like how you want to belong, you need to let someone else feel like they do too.

Don't just say it.

Show it.

Shay

Rain Mood Destroyers

Rainy days are perfect for comfy clothes, a cup of something warm, and curling up in a blanket with a book (preferably a comic book). The sound of raindrops hitting the ground at a fast pace is so soothing. It's a natural lullaby. After the rain falls it smells so clean and fresh. It is so nice! Even better, the day after is usually greener and everything seems replenished.

Rain is great. It is FANTASTIC when you see it like that.

However, there is a dark side to the rain. This is the reason I find myself inside. There are terrifying creatures that lurk. They burst through the ground desperate for air, but ready to destroy. They populate the concrete to such a great extent that when you walk, it is like every step could set off a bomb. So you keep your head down in fear that you might accidentally set one off. As you carefully take each tiptoe step, you notice that some other poor soul has set off one of those bombs. They look disfigured, but they continue to fight for breath. You wish they wouldn't.

"JUST DIE!!" you scream in your head, as you continue your journey to a place of safety. Sometimes, those are not insight for a while. You keep pushing forward with a couple gasps in between each step because you think you might have touched one.

But then, your brain wanders for a moment and unthinkable happened (because you weren't THINKING ABOUT WHERE YOU WERE WALKING!!). You step on one.

You step on a worm. You feel the squish of its body and it surges through your body. You shutter and perhaps you let a tear fall. You are ready to give up, but for all you know you just killed the queen. The army of worms are getting ready to attack. What do you do now?!

So you run. YOU RUN AND YOU STEP ON MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE.

Finally, you are home. YOU MADE IT. You kick off your shoes - literally. You want nothing to do with them.

You're safe...

Until next time it rains.

In Midst The Crisis

One of the greatest pieces of advice I have ever received was to look for the good and beauty in every day, in every person, in everything.

So, when I heard someone mention that we should try and look for the good, especially in trying times, I was taken a little off guard. They mentioned that it can be really difficult to do that. I played with that thought in my mind all day. 

For me, it was difficult to understand how someone could not see the good in difficult times. I never understood how people could be in a tough spot, and instead of looking for relief, they would look for more unnecessary weight to pile on. I could never understand why someone would want to add MORE to their heavy burdens. Makes me sad to see that happen.

I have see sadness plague a soul due to their lack of friends, yet there are so many around them wiping away the tears through kind deeds, messages, visits, and the simple compliments. I heard people scream with frustration with their family situation, but fail to recognize all the great times they were able to experience with them. 

You have so much! Look around you. To my friends here at BYU-I, struggling or not, I am telling you to take a moment and stop. Look at where you are. Look at how amazing this place is and look at all the remarkable beauty. You won't regret it. 

We were created to be happy and to laugh with our arms around those we love. What a shame it would be if we overlooked the good. 

SO take some time and enjoy the life around you. 

If you can't seem to see anything beautiful around you or about you, look harder. Look deeper. 

You will find it. 

Best of luck on that quest to find the beauty! 

Stay gold,

Shay

If I Can't Keep You, Nobody Can.

Today I was jamming to Lights' Little Machines album and I came across the lyrics

"If I can't keep you, nobody can" 

When I first heard this lyric I thought "Lights, bruh, you crazy" and I mean it's a pretty creepy line. However, I discovered a different meaning to it today. 

Here is my thought process on it. It's fairly simple. 

"If I can't keep you, nobody can" does not necessarily mean that the "you" being referred to is going to murdered or whatever horror movie scene came to your mind.

How I saw it was that the person saying this phrase worked, compromised, and sacrificed all for the other. Meaning, they literally did everything they could to keep the other satisfied, happy, and healthy. Essentially, the person saying the phrase is carrying everything on their back. 

When the other person decides to leave, they realize that no one will ever be able to keep that person. That person will just move on to the next one, and the next and the next.

So, that's what I feel is the other meaning behind that phrase.

Shay

Sometimes I Guess.

I guess there are second chances that cannot be given.

I guess that you can't always depend on those you thought you could.

I guess you can't expect someone you fought for to show up with flowers and an apology or even to say the words "please stay"

Sometimes you fight for things you think that will return the favour. Sometimes you're right.

Most times I am wrong.

It's okay though, because there are more days to come.

Sometimes it gets hard and sometimes it feels like there is too much to carry on your own. I know what that feels like.

Sometimes you want to give up, and you know what? Sometimes it is okay to give up on something that never showed you results. Sometimes you need to let it go a move on.

Sometimes it is hard to say goodbye -- especially to those you don't want to turn around on ... those you love.

But you have to.

Sometimes... I guess that is harder than curling up in a ball and crying. You know that cry where one hand is over your mouth, and the other on your stomach -- Trying to be quiet so you don't worry anyone else.

It's okay to cry.

Sometimes, you have to become the superhero for yourself.
Life pushes hard, but be sure to push harder.

Shay

I Hope

I hope you remember the days when you felt like nothing could stop you. The days where the sun was shining to the point where you squinted with sunglasses on, but still you felt as though you were burning brighter. And when the sun set, your eyes lit up the darkness -- No no, not just for your, but for those around you.

I hope you remember every compliment that was given to you, whether they were sincere or not. I hope you keep those words close to you. I hope you remember every "I love you" and every time your stomach filled with butterflies that everyone defines as love.

I hope you still hear the screams as you dropped 300 feet on an awesome rollercoaster. Do you remember how greasy those slices of pizza were, yet they will always have the prize of the best slices ever!

I hope you remember the spontaneous adventures that was full of laughter that caused tummies to hurt. Or the nights that were filled with music - whether produced by your own creative juices or through the off-key karaoke notes sung.

Most of all, I hope these memories flood your brain when everything seems dark. I hope they are the match that lights your eyes up again. I hope they tell you how much you are worth and that giving up is not an option. I hope they make you realize that there are more days like that to come. I hope you remember that there are so many people that love you, even if in that moment you do not feel they do. I promise they do.

I hope you always stay gold and never rust.

Shay

CLARIFICATION

Let's be clear, shall we?

If you feel you can text someone all day that is not your partner, be alone with someone that is not your partner, call someone late at night for hours who is not your partner, and be consumed with this other person that is not your partner then .... 

YOU SHOULD NOT BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. 

Your partner should feel secure. You should not be texting someone else on your date with your partner. You should not be doing cuter things for other people, ESPECIALLY if you don't do anything of that sort for your partner.

Essentially, if you cannot be dedicated to one person then you do not deserve to be in relationship. 

If you think your partner is special, TELL THEM, SHOW THEM, AND DO NOT LET THEM FORGET. 

Stop being SO selfish and realize what you have in front of you. If you don't like it, then leave. Don't string someone along - just let them go. 

You be you and let them be them. 

Simple. Got it?

Rad. 

Stay gold, 

Shay

The Destructive Secret

I hope I can get this right.

I have witnessed someone I know go through something I could have never even imagine. I hope I get her story right.

Here is a man and lady. They are in love.

He kisses her forehead, opens her door, and blows warm air into her hands when it is cold outside. When she is not looking, he looks at her as if she is the greatest treasure he could ever have, and maybe she is.

She makes him dinner, makes sure he is healthy, stops by his office with little notes to let him know that he is always on her mind - because he is.

When he laughs, she can't stop herself from laughing as well. It's contagious! When he sees her smiling, he does not want it to fade. So, he tickles her.

They seem to be the lucky ones.

Until he revealed QUITE the secret. He had trouble telling her because it was something so embarrassing and shameful. Something he knew could hurt her. Through clenched teeth and tearful eyes, he finally exposed it.

An addiction to pornography.

She suddenly became insecure and scared. How could she measure up to airbrushed models with the hour glass body? She was just a girl.

Most girls she knew would run from this situation. Why would she want or need this in her life?

However, she knelt in prayer to ask for guidance and Heavenly Father provided her with the strength to endure it.

She told him she would stay and fight by his side. She knew he would fall again, but she also knew he had the desire, and power to overcome this dirty, disgusting addiction. She also knew the power of the atonement.

When he did fall, it hurt her. It seemed to her she was never enough because he chose a computer screen over loving her.

Yet no matter how many times he fell and dragged her even lower, she dusted off her clothing, and held out a hand to him.

"I am not leaving you" she would say each time.

She knew that this addiction to pornography did not make this man a bad one.

He was just making the wrong choices, but he was trying to get out of it. He was fasting, praying, and started to increase in faith. However, he kept falling every now and then.

Each time he fell, it hurt her. She knew that any wound could heal if it was given time, so she stayed right by him.

Did she feel she couldn't do better, or that this was the only option??  ABSOLUTELY NOT.

But how could she leave someone she loves so dearly on the battlefield, wounded and immobile?

She couldn't.

She is not naive. She knows exactly what she is getting herself into. Is she stupid? Maybe.

Soon, he became fed up. Fed up of what? I couldn't really say. My assumptions is he became fed up of hurting her and her coming back each time to save him. How was that fair to her? How did he deserve her? In his eyes, he was a monster.

Now, she is stuck with a decision. To listen to him when he says "walk away from this chaos" or to stay right where she knows she should be.

Either decision she chooses to make, I feel she will be okay. I want her to know that she will be okay.

Through all this mayhem she was still smiling and I know she will continue to. So many people love her and she is so blessed.

There is so much beauty out there, my dear friend, and you know it too.

Shay

From My Eyes

Define a date. 

Is it similar to mine?

"Two people getting together for an activity when the possibility of romance between them has been touched on, but not ruled out."

If so, I want you to continue reading and tell me if I am wrong or right. 

Here is my issue when it comes to relationships.

I feel that putting another girl/guy above your girl/guy IS NOT OKAY. Unless it is your famjam, it is not okay. 

NO WAY HOSE. 

Hanging out with your friends (you see that letter 's'? It makes things plural) that are of the opposite sex is totally okay! Absolutely! I mean, girls have guy friends they chill with as well as guys with their girl friends. Really no big deal there. 

Neither partner would care, at least in my eyes, unless you are ambiguous. 

Now that you are hiding something, they do have something to worry about, or else why would you be hiding it? 

MEANING! Saying you are going to hang out with a "friend" ALONE that your girl/guy does not know who they are IS NOT OKAY. 

Why are you ALONE with the opposite sex that your partner does not know about and why are you not being completely honest?? 

Better question. Why are you alone with the opposite sex, on basically a date, when you have a partner?

You okay with your partner being with someone else of the opposite sex that you don't know? Alone? 

REALLY THINK ABOUT IT. Why did you not tell your partner that you were going to be with "Vanessa", or with "Zack"???

Interesting how that plays out, eh? Seems like you have the ulterior motive.

Just some food for thought. 

It is simple to be honest. Simple to be straight up. Consider your partner more often, and consider how you'd feel if it were reversed.

Honesty & selflessness is what will lead to a good relationship. 

Maybe if you gave it a shot, you'd know that. 

Shay

PS enjoy my Canadianism.

The Treat of Easter: You Are Not Alone

There are days when we wake up with this heavy feeling in our heart. There are days when a thick cloud of darkness follows you around all day. 

To put it simply, there are hard days. There is no escape from this reality.

Sometimes the days are so hard that we cannot fight it alone. We think that if that one person, whether a lover, best friend, parent, or whoever was there -- everything would be alright. For whatever reason, they cannot be there. They can't be there to hold you as your voice trembles and your body shakes. They cannot be there to confirm that things will be alright. 

In essence, you feel all alone. 

That was me recently, but I know you have felt that too. I tried to fight this type of emptiness on my own. No matter my efforts, this pain would not leave me alone. I knew what to do, so why wasn't I doing it? 

I humbled myself, and got onto my knees. I offered a prayer to my Heavenly Father. As I explained to Him the feelings that plagued my soul, I felt the pressure on my chest lessen. I continued on until I felt a smile stretch across my face. 

How could I feel this way when I have so much to be grateful for? How could I allow myself to wait this long to pray to my Father in Heaven to remove this gross feeling from me? 

Whatever the reason, it does not matter. What matters is that I turned to the Lord in my time of need, though it may seem small in comparison to a lot of other trials, but is that not beautiful? My small petty problems are, in fact, problems to Him too. The best part is that I have a Saviour who knows how to comfort me in those times and so do you. 

Hear me out, dear readers, you are not alone. Look heavenward. There is a Heavenly Father watching over you and He truly knows your situations. You and I have a Saviour who knows every discomforting emotion we feel, and He knows how to heal us. 

The trick is to let Him. 

"Therefore, ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you; for he [or she] that asketh, receiveth; and unto him [or her] that knocketh, it shall be opened" (3 Nephi 27:29)

Shay

Let's Play Pretend

As a kid, playing pretend was probably my favourite thing. I could be anything and I could go anywhere I wanted. Nothing could beat the things and places I could build in my head. The great thing was that it did not just exist in my head, but I could make them all come alive in front of me. One second I could be fighting off the monsters from the highest tower, to sailing across a dangerous pit of burning lava.  I could be a hero, or one could save me.

Reality seemed so boring next to the worlds that I could craft in my head. Sure, the nature of the earth is stunning! But when you give them your own meaning, their own beauty, it just becomes so much… more.

I really believed nothing could replace that feeling and nothing did.

Until I met him.

Sure that sounds really cheesy and lame, but give me a second to explain.

I grew up in a broken family, though my father tried to mend it the best he could with the tape he could find. I did not believe in love.

Yeah, I dropped it -- The ‘L’ bomb.  DUN DUN …. DUUUUUUN

Believe me when I say, I thought love was a lie. A sick, disgusting joke that never lasted and would always leave me feeling empty. I saw relationships blow up right in front of my eyes. Divorces, bad breakups, and people hearts shattered on the floor with no one to piece it back together.

To me, love did not exist.

I think a lot of you guys have found yourselves here, but I want to tell you I was wrong. I was wrong and let me testify that YOU can be loved too, IF you let someone in.

There was this one boy man who came into my life and showed me that love could exist. Better yet, someone could love me and that love was better than anything I could imagine in my own head.

I told myself I would never let myself get attached enough to let someone in. My walls were high – real high. Sure, he held my hand and kissed my forehead. Of course, he said things that made my heart melt and made me feel like I was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. It was not until he saw me at my worst that I realized this was real. It was not until then did I let all my walls down.

The great thing is that he did not try to break them down either. He was patient and let me remove each brick on my own. When it got too hard, he would help me take down one more brick at a time.

I am not going to divulge the events in my relationship with this man, but I want to express the love that I felt and … still do.

CONFESSION TIME!!

I always wanted to feel the pain those girls did in chick flicks. I always wanted to know what it felt like to love someone so much that it would hurt like that because maybe then it would be real.

I later thought they exaggerated those emotions, until I felt them.

That pain that no one can take away, where you cry with one hand covering your mouth and the other clenched on your stomach. You try not to be loud so no one hears, but the pain surges through your body and nothing will stop it. You know what I am talking about, right?

Yeah, that pain. That, my dear friends, is real. So why on earth could a pain that severe not have an opposite? Does left not have a right? AMEN (Yeah yeah that was mad lame too. I got it).

Okay, I think I am going on a massive tangent that could be avoided, but here.

 I felt the most love from this man when we lay on the floor, not touching, just breathing and staring at the ceiling. I felt that love when he stared at me through tears in our eyes as we parted way for our long distance stretch. I felt that love when we were no longer together. When he looked at me and really saw me.

I always felt that love when no words were spoken, when no actions were performed. It felt like the world had stopped in those moments – everything froze and it was just us.

Yes, in those moments I felt infinite with him.

Sure, life can get hard and we may feel we are never going to be good enough, but why must that exempt us from love? It doesn’t and that is the answer. You are worthy of it and now let someone in! Sometimes, it does not last, but you learn. Is that not what we are here for? To learn?

And yes, ABSOLUTELY, it hurts sometimes BUT I am so grateful for the lesson he taught me. He taught me “to love and be loved in return.”

Never could I have imagined a feeling so unique, so … real.

Although reality is not as great what I can build in my mind, but it is real.

That’s the thing about reality. You can’t control it, but it gives life real beauty.

Real beauty.

La vie est belle.

Shay

Reunited After 134 Days: Through My Eyes

I spent 134 days away from the man I love. One hundred and thirty four days. We were blessed with technology to Skype and iMessage each other regularly, but we all know that those do not satisfy like the real deal.

The day had finally arrived that I would be reunited with my boyfriend again. His plane would not be landing until 10:45 pm, so I had the whole day to wait in anticipation.

I found myself praying all day that Heavenly Father would protect him. The last thing I wanted was to find out that after all that waiting time, his plane had crashed or something. I know that is horrible, but that was going through my head.

Pacing every room in my house, flipping through channels, foot tapping – you name it and I was doing it. Time could not pass fast enough.

It was finally 9:00 pm and I decided it was time to try and look perfect. Staring furiously at those fly away hairs, and the two lashes that were clumped together, I realized that was the best I was going to get. I grabbed the keys to my dad’s van, and off I was to the Toronto Pearson Airport.

Scared, nervous, anxious – I felt every emotion under the sun. I turned on the radio and tried to sing my fears away, but those emotions still remained. Music has always been a therapy for me and for it not to work was HUGE.

I turned off the radio and drove in silence. I thought about all these hard times we endured during these long days and nights. I pondered all the solutions we came to when problems did arise.  The next thing I knew I was at the airport.

I parked the van and went into the departures area of Terminal 3.  My heart stopped when I saw that his flight had just landed. My body started to shake. I was so nervous. My eyes shifted vigorously trying to see if my boyfriend was walking through the doors, and disappointment arose each time when I realized it was not him.

Until I saw him.

I shouted and sprinted past everyone. They were all a blur anyway. My arms flew up and wrapped around his neck. My heart was beating faster than the Flash could run. Our hands running up and down each other to confirm this was no dream.

This was real.

During that moment, a thought crossed my mind. Was it all worth it? Was this what I wanted after all that time and effort?

I pulled back to look at him, as I tried to hide the tears that were sneaking out of my eyes.

All the hurt, all the drama, all the long nights of lost sleep, and all the minutes, hours, and days spent apart. All the times we really had to exercise patience and endure the most difficult times. The moments when we felt like giving up but held on. Was it all worth it or all in vain?

I looked at him and really saw him. After a tremendously long period away from the man I love, he was finally here. We had fought for this moment. We had won.

So to answer the question, yes. Absolutely! It was worth it.

I will never forget what I felt that day while embracing him in the airport.

I won so much more than a long distance battle that day.

- Shay