Discovering Home

So there I was.

Sitting at my desk, totally not doing my work (LIKE RIGHT NOW AS I WRITE THIS BLOG TEHEHE).My mind was on a VLOG I was thinking about making because it would be too jokes and too relatable to those who work in administration.

Literally sitting there laughing to myself, I realized I am not ready to do this. I am not ready to spend every day of the rest of my life sitting behind a desk just to make money. Not that I am ungrateful for this position because it is a blessing FOR SURE. I don't know if I would say I am happy here verses just being content. Either way, I am not sure if anyone is ready for this kind of life, but I am young and have so much more to learn. That in itself is a humbling thought.

To be honest, as much as I am comfortable where I am, I am not going to learn more than what I have already learned from studying in the states and working behind a desk in Toronto. This job is a dream for sure, but it's not my dream.

I am not sure what my dream is entirely, but I want to find it. I definitely won't find it sitting comfortably - I do know that.

So, the goal from here on out is to travel and see what I can learn from each place. That doesn't necessarily mean I need to go across the world and back every month because MONEY $$$. However, I do feel that finding places in our own areas that we've never seen before is just as important. It's also a way to get the best of both worlds, yknow by sitting behind a desk and still experiencing more.

For example, I recently ventured out to Tobermory, Ontario. Only 3.5 hours away from where I live. A little treasure of my own province that I had no idea about until a few months ago. It was absolutely stunning and made my love for Canada grow. It made me realize how privileged and blessed I am to live and breathe in such a magnificent country. It was also just really therapeutic to enjoy nature.

As I continue to search in my own province, I have already discovered that there are secret cities made up of waterfalls. There are beautiful trails, hikes, and so many things in the city as well that I have not experienced.

So while travelling abroad is important, I feel that roadtripping around your own home is equally as important. Not only will develop a greater sense of gratitude, but it can prepare you for the experiences you will endure when you do travel abroad.

Well, that's all I got for today. You know the drill!

Stay gold, friends.

- Shay

Did It Just Happen?

I once read a blog that really touched me. I connected with it because the author was so raw and truthful.

When I write my blogs, I am very careful to not say the wrong thing. I don't want the finger to get pointed at anyone in particular, but it is really hard to keep my own voice in my blogs when I try to not offend anyone. I am tired of it. 

I am not looking to be more vulnerable on the internet, but I am willing to have my experiences connect with others. Sometimes that's the little light at the end of the tunnel telling you "you're not alone."

Today I am here to say that I have been hurt, but who hasn't been? 

I was in a relationship and my ex had someone else fall in love with him. It racked my brain for a long time during the relationship because I couldn't understand it, especially when he swore that there was nothing going on between them two. 

"How does someone just fall in love with someone else just like that? Out of blue, without any encouragement? Did it just happen? Like a virus or a cold? Is it contagious?"

Maybe it was not encourage. Maybe he just really liked the attention. Maybe... maybe... maybe 

Personally, I don't really care about the reasons why he did anymore. It just dawned on me .... well right now as to why HADN'T he stopped it. Was it because I didn't pay enough attention to him? Did my independence scare him? Intimidate him? 

I really don't know. I don't really care for his reasons either. 

All I know is that it hurt me. It brought me down low. Real low. Frankly, I cannot have someone in my life who is willing to do that to me again. To make me question my self-worth that I have worked so hard to build. To see it shattered in a matter of words because he was uncertain of himself that he needed more attention than I could give. 

How is that fair? To make someone else insecure just because you are. It's not. I refuse to be there again.

 I am not saying I am not willing to be vulnerable with someone again. I am just saying that it'll be harder for them to knock me down now because I know better. 

My dear friends, please remember that you worth does not depend on how someone else treats you, but how you treat yourself. You want the good things in life? Then go get it. It'll be hard, but worth it. 

Please don't let someone tear you down due to their insecurities. Lift them up where you can, but walk away if it's hurting you. 

Stay gold, 

Shay